I made this early in the year, when I was working to figure out why I do things that mess up relationships — why I didn’t want to see my dad at the end of his life, why I don’t call mom & friends enough, why my first marriage ended, why I sometimes recoil from certain kinds of commitment and need. If I can make my rational brain understand, perhaps I can override the poor conditioning.
[Update, 9/15/9: I considered calling this diagram "how crazy people fucked me up", or "okay, bitches, you owe me for all of that therapy, cuz it's your goddam fault!" but thought those might be a little too on-point.]
I hate to admit it, but my first thought was about that translucent pen
Thanks, once again, for the brave self-disclosure.
Thanks nathan. The pen does rock, doesn’t it? Prismacolor 40% warm grey.
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Hi Janice,
I came across this blog post and I really can relate to your ‘Pavlovian Diagram’. I myself don’t communicate with friends and family that much, and I sometimes wonder why I’m that way. Though I have to admit, it’s kind of a defense mechanism on my part — if I get too close or if I spend time with them a lot or chat with them regularly, when they leave e.g. migrate, or become too busy with their lives, and the like, I’ll tend to feel sad or hurt so my brain says: ‘just put some distance to avoid the hurt that will eventually come’. Hope to read more posts from you, thank you for sharing this interesting theory, clever girl.